Colours
by anxious.soul
Summary: Tony reflects on his life and gets the guy. AKA Halsey's 'Colors' song lyrics are used in a completely different way than they probably mean to describe Tony's life.


**Warnings: Child neglect, Implied Child Abuse, Not Canon Compliant, Boys Kissing, Slight Suicidal Thoughts, References to Drugs and Alcohol.  
**

 **Disclaimer: Don't own the song or Avengers**

 **Really short and it's lyrics from the stripped version of 'Colors' by Halsey.**

 **Italics are the song lyrics and in the first sentence, the word 'father' isn't in italics because I've put the word there in place of 'little brother' which is the original lyric**

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 _Your_ father _never tells you but he loves you so._

Sure. Howard totally loved Tony. Because verbal abuse and the occasional fist was definitely love…or at least it was tough love if nothing else.

 _You said your mother only smiled on her TV show_

More like on the TV. As in being reported and interviewed. Mostly at her charities and galas. Sure she smiled at Tony, but as he grew older they became less genuine and more a grimace. Perhaps her 'press-smile' was more accurate as that's all Tony really saw until she died.

 _You're only happy when your sorry head is filled with dope_

 _I hope you make it to the day you're 28 years old_

Ain't that the truth. From age sixteen, Tony experimented with alcohol and cigarettes along with the occasional drug. Whilst people never said it, the look in their drunken gaze told Tony that no one expected him to live past twenty-eight. Precise number. But the man would be lying if he said they were wrong. He almost overdosed at twenty-seven-years, eleven months and seventeen days. Had Rhodey not been in town. Well…the headlines would read 'Tony Stark Suicide?' or something more creative.

 _You're ripped at every edge_

Someone shouted at him. Exclaiming he was broken and ruined. He couldn't say he wasn't, it would be a lie. He merely winked and grinned uncaringly, avoiding the gaze of his teammates as they all took a seat at a conference they had to make. Steve sat on Tony's left and leaned over.

"We're all a little ripped at the edges, Tony, _but you're a masterpiece_." If Tony seemed to radiate in happiness the rest of the day, no one mentioned it and merely smiled softly at him.

 _Everything is blue…_

 _Pulled apart at the seams_

Tony couldn't help but see blue everywhere as he looked around. Tears streaming down his face as he sobbed uncontrollably in the privacy of his bedroom. The sounds were heartbreaking as he broke down. He didn't know why, but everything around him closed in at once and crashed down. He was perfectly alright barely a minute ago. Now. Well, now he couldn't breathe as the walls closed in.

 _Everything is grey…_

 _And now he's so devoid of colour_

 _He don't know what it means_

Something was dead inside. He was broken. He was bruised. He was struggling to breathe as he was drowning inside. Around him, his friends, his family, they were full of colour and life. Greens, reds, purples, yellows and happy blues clashing terribly with his grey death. Sometimes he wondered if he should finish it. Just take a walk off of the top of the tower. Close his eyes. Arms open wide. And fall. Just fall. Fall until the ground reaches his body and everything went dark.

He never did. He had too much responsibility. Yeah…that was it.

 _You were a vision in the morning when the light came through_

When Tony would actually sleep in his room and wake, he surprisingly wouldn't rush down to the workshop. He'd go to the communal kitchen. Even more surprising, he'd carry a pen and notebook. For hours, he would sit there watching, writing, drawing and drinking coffee as he created more prototypes and plans. He would watch as one by one the rest of the team would come in for drinks and breakfast. Slowly, he'd join in with the conversations. Laughing alongside them and stealing from Clint's plate. It was nice. They were like the family he'd never had.

 _You said you'll never be forgiven_

Tony had sinned. He'd sinned more than he thought possible. Truth is, he hadn't really sinned as much as he thought. The deaths from his weapons weren't truly on his hands. Not really. The crimson staining them, that could be washed away with care and nurture. He would be forgiven come judgement day. He's just too blind to know and too pessimistic to believe.

 _And he's blue_

Tony wandered in the communal living area, spying Steve on the couch drawing, he made his way over.

"That's good, Cap."

"Thank you." It was genuine and Tony took a seat beside him, gesturing for Steve to show him more and the Captain complied, "Do you draw? Create art?" He asked curiously,

"Nope. _Art is not what I create,_ Cap, _what I create is chaos_." Tony answered with a shrug as though the fact never bothered him,

"Chaos is a part of being creative." Steve started before he stood up and walked away, turning he smiled at Tony, "Besides, who said chaos is always a bad thing?" As he left the room, Tony sat there staring at his hands lost in thought. Slowly, a gentle smile graced his lips.

 _Everything is blue_

Tony stared into Steve's blue eyes and couldn't see anything but the colour. The blond shone with light and happy blue. It glowed brighter as their lips met and the world around them faded until nothing but the colour of trust and faith surrounded them.

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 **Anyway,**  
 **Thank you for reading,**  
 **Hope you enjoyed this,**  
 **Please review,**  
 **No hate -don't like, don't read**

 **Bye~**


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